So its Fathers day...and i miss my dad!

Having lost my father very unexpected and tragically in 2003 ( i honestly cant believe its been over 7 years now), you can only imagine how difficult Fathers day is for me. This particular day brings up a range of emotions for me that can only be described as extremely overwhelming.
I feel sadness: Sadness that i do not get to spend this day with my dad. That we do not get to reminisce about times when i was little and he was a new dad, and times when i was a teenager and giving him a hard time.

I feel anger: I am angry that my father was taken from me. That he never got to meet my husband and did not get to walk me down the aisle. Don't get me wrong, i know he was there that day in spirit - but its not the same. I'm angry (and sad) that he isn't around to see the brilliant young man his grandson Devan has turned into, or to even meet his new grandson Ryan.

I feel cheated: Cheated out of being a daughter to my father. Cheated out of my role of being a Daddy's girl. Cheated that my son doesn't have a grandfather in his life to guide him and make "grandfather" memories with him.

I feel blessed: Blessed that i had him in my life for the time that i did. Blessed for the lessons that he taught me. Blessed for the morals and beliefs that he instilled in me. Blessed to be the woman that i am today.

Only a few days after my father passed away the Luther Vandross song Dance with my Father came out. Talk about timing. I was actually speaking with a friend the other day and was told that every time they hear that song, they think of me, they remembered when that song came out too.

My heart aches on this fathers day as i remember my father. I miss him dearly. I miss his presence. I miss the smell of his cigarettes. I miss his laugh. I miss his smile. I miss the way he called my name. Most of all i miss having someone i called "dad".

So on this fathers day i pay tribute to my dad and all the other men out there that carry that title. To those of you who still have your fathers in your life....Cherish the time you have with your dad - as i have learned all to well - he could be taken away at any moment!

I miss you daddy!